Monday, March 12, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Fred Thompson Shouldn't be President

It appears that former Senator Fred Thompson is considering a run for the White House in 2008. Here are the top ten reasons why Thompson shouldn't be president:

10. Would insist that pesky "Law & Order" sound be played every time he entered a room.

9. Would pardon former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby's conviction for perjury and obstruction of justice now, rather than waiting until all his appeals are exhausted. Thompson is a fundraiser for Libby's defense.

8. Would distract foreign leaders during meetings with his obsession for making helicopter sounds by rapidly moving his index finger over his lips while humming.

7. Opposes gun control, and praised last week's 2-1 federal appeals decision overturning a long-standing handgun ban. "The court basically said the Constitution means what it says, and I agree with that."

6. Would jam Iranian television signals with video loops of "Fat Man and Little Boy."

5. Opposes same-sex marriage, but would let states decide whether to allow civil unions. "Marriage is between a man and a woman, and I don't believe judges ought to come along and change that."

4. Would make "Baby's Day Out" day a national holiday.

3. Opposes abortion, and believes federal judges should overturn the 1973 Roe v. Wade abortion rights decision as "bad law and bad medical science."

2. Supports President Bush's decision to increase troops in Iraq. "Wars are full of mistakes. You rectify things. I think we're doing that now," he said. "Why would we not take any chance, even though there's certainly no guarantees, to not be run out of that place? I mean, we've got to take that opportunity and give it a chance to work."

And the number one reason Fred Thompson shouldn't be president!

1. Thinks he's Superman!

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