Clean as a Whistle

WARNING: The following post might contain too much information for some ... read at your own risk ... you can't say I didn't warn you!

Posting has been a little light the past couple of days, as I prepared for my first colonoscopy. Yeah, ugh!

As some of you might know from a previous post, I did get to meet Katie Couric earlier this year, and for a fleeting moment I considered asking her to go to the hospital with me ... since she is largely responsible for the significant increase in colonoscopy screenings nationwide.

She launched a one-woman campaign following her husband's death from colon cancer.

I largely tried not to think about it, but as it came closer to C-day I was forced to go to the pharmacy to get the PEG/Lytes solution (more on this later) and to pick up a few food items for the day before.

My exam was this morning, so yesterday I began my day with two eggs, toast with blackberry jam and a bottle of water. I should have made the Jello the day before, but who knew it would take so long to set? (For those who don't know me, I'm the person looking for "toast" at the grocery store!) So, the eggs became that last solid food I would consume for another 30 hours or so.

I was given four laxative tablets to take at 3 pm. Also, because I'm bad at reading directions the PEG/Lytes solution that should have been mixed and placed in the refrigerator at 1 pm, wasn't mixed until about 3:15 pm. So it won't be quite as cold ...

The first part of the "fun" begins at 7 pm. For the next two hours I drank an 8 oz glass of the solution. It's kind of a thick liquid, not the best tasting stuff in the world -- but it might have been better had I remembered to get the Crystal Light to add to it at the store. Note to self: Be sure to take a shopping list to the store!

I got through the first hour fine, and was probably a little too cocky about it all. The second hour was a different story.

The drink became harder to get down. The directions said wait a few minutes between drinks if you are feeling a little nauseous -- and I was.

By the end of the first hour everything began to kick in and it was back and forth to the bathroom about every 10 minutes or so. The dogs, who normally accompany me to the john, got a bit bored after the fourth trip and decided to just hang out on the ottoman and wish me well as I sped by.

The directions say to drink a total of eight glasses over the two hour period, and the seventh one was really hard to get down. I was only about 15 minutes behind schedule at this point and thought to myself "I only have one more to go ... I can surely drink one more."

By glass six it feels like you are doing number 1, only everything is coming out of opening number 2. It's quite and odd feeling, and since that part of the body is not accustomed to passing liquid it's not as capable of holding it in while you make the trip! My advice to anyone who is still reading this ... stay close to the bathroom after glass five!

It was time for the last glass, and while it was very hard to get it down I did feel a sense of relief. Finally, no more thick liquid. Things were flowing smoothly, so I wouldn't need to drink any more. The deal is, if things aren't clear -- or at least yellow -- you have to keep drinking until they are.

My stomach was a little upset, so I decided to drink a little ginger ale. That might have been a mistake, because it caused everything to come right back up! I was really pissed, because I had just gotten it down and didn't want to have to drink any more of the stuff.

I decided to wait awhile to see what happened.

Whatever remained in my stomach was enough to do the trick, so no more thick liquid!

At this point, even though you haven't eaten all day you really don't want to eat anything because you don't want to have to go through the process again!

This morning I got up early, fixed breakfast for the dogs, took my shower and I was off to the hospital. I thought I knew when I was supposed to be there, but I found out after I arrived that I was an hour late! I panicked, because I didn't want to miss my appointment and have to go through the prep again! Thank goodness they rushed me right in and I went through the hospital prep in record time.

Before I knew it I was in the procedure room, being hooked up to a heart monitor, blood pressure monitor and getting my least favorite thing at a hospital -- and IV. I warned the IV nurse this was my least favorite part and not to take it personally. It took her a long time to find a vein (I could never be a IV drug user, as my veins are so hard to find). Once she did, she had me hooked up in a snap! I must say it didn't hurt at all.

The doctor came in for a pre-exam chat. He looked alert and seemed in good spirits -- a good thing. I apologized for being late and he said not to worry. Another patient had come in an hour early so they just switched our times! Clearly the Goddess was looking out for me.

There was some confusion among the nurses about whether or not I would be completely sedated, or just given something to relax me. They thought sedated, so I asked for a CPAP machine. I suffer from sever sleep apnea, and didn't feel comfortable being fully sedated without letting someone know. A wonderful woman named Margaret came in and hooked me up.

The doctor seemed at ease about everything and I didn't have to fear that I would stop breathing, so I was good to go!

As it turns out, I was pretty much awake for the entire procedure. I was facing the monitor, so I got to watch the whole thing! It's really amazing looking at the inside of your body. I had a similar experience recently when I had a sonogram of my heart. Watching my heart beating was really cool!

The music playing in the room was old Blue Eyes. Frank Sinatra is fun, but everyone agreed the sound track didn't quite fit with the images. An underwater sound track might have been more appropriate -- maybe something from Waterworld.

The procedure itself really isn't that uncomfortable. They are putting air in to open everything up, so that gets a little uncomfortable at times. It was only really uncomfortable once (and only for a few seconds). When I mentioned it to the doctor he said they were "turning a corner" and that it would be over soon. The nurse in the room pressed on my stomach, which helped ease the pressure.

The entire procedure only took about 25 minutes. The doctor and nurse were thrilled that I was "clean as a whistle." I asked for a copy of the report -- which includes pictures(!!) -- and the results say "normal colon, no polyps." Great!! It also says that I should be screened again "in several years!" More good news!

I'm glad I did it. As others had said to me, the prep is worse than the procedure, but it's not really that bad. Being uncomfortable for a few hours the night before, and 25 minutes the day of, is certainly worth it. The consequences of not being checked could be so much worse.


I think the music works, don't you?

.